Trump calls it Liberation Day—like he just freed America from a foreign dictator. No, Donnie. You didn’t liberate anyone. You just made it more expensive to buy a f***ing blender. A 10% tariff on every import? That’s not liberation, that’s a sales tax on reality.
And the cherry on top? He slapped a tariff on the Heard and McDonald Islands. You know what’s on those islands? Penguins. Seals. A few bored seabirds. No people. No exports. But sure, let’s launch a trade war with Flightless Birds. What’s next, sanctions on the Lorax?
This isn't about boosting American jobs—it’s about boosting Trump’s ego. He’s tossing around 54% tariffs on China like they’re poker chips. Meanwhile, Apple’s about to have a stroke, the stock market just had a panic attack, and inflation’s back from vacation.
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He says it'll bring in $600 billion to $1 trillion. Yeah—by making everything cost more. That’s not revenue, that’s robbery. It’s like setting your house on fire and bragging about the heat.
And don’t think this stops with China. Japan? 24%. Vietnam? 46%. The EU? 20%. Canada? Already hit with 25%—because apparently, poutine is a national threat. And the reason? Fentanyl from Canada. Except… only 0.2% of it comes from there. But hey, why let facts get in the way of a good boogeyman?
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Even the Senate tried to stop him—and four Republicans joined in. But thanks to House rules and a Speaker with the spine of a melted Q-tip, the bill’s deader than trickle-down economics.
You see, this whole thing? It's not about fixing the economy. It's about looking tough while screwing the people who can least afford it. The billionaires will be fine. It’s the rest of us who’ll be paying 20 bucks for cereal while seals get slapped with export duties.
So next time they say, “We’re protecting American workers,” ask them:
“Which ones? The ones making bombs or the ones stocking Walmart shelves?”
Because right now, the only thing Trump’s liberating—is your paycheck from your wallet.
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